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Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

So Are Successful Relationships still Possible? Prevalent?


As mentioned in the previous post, empathy and communication are key to a fruitful relationship. Empathy is provided by engaging in gender atypical tasks and communicating with the other person about the ordeals he or she faces. This directly ties into the significance of communication as seen in the song Schism by Tool. For more on this, refer to the previous posts that have been dedicated to the explanation of this song in detail.

Looking at the need for communication and how this works to provide empathy and hence a better relationship (as it leads to mature compromises, better division of labor) through complete understanding of the other person is dire proof that despite the frequency of broken relations in the world today, a successful, satisfying, quality relationship is still very much a reality. People do not believe in fairy tale love stories anymore. However, happy endings are still very much prevalent today if one knows where to look. I can draw on a very convincing example from my personal experiences.

Throughout my life, I have heard of broken relationships, seen friends with divorced parents and broken families. This is in complete contrast with my parents who have always been together and have continually been and are supportive and communicative. I have never seen them fight, but only have solution seeking discussions. It might also be interesting to note that they had an arranged marriage which lends more strength to the notion that communication and empathy are essential to a happy relationship. Ironically, my family has a lot of unequal division of labor but equal perceived division. My parents, to an extent, conform to conventional gender roles, while wildly breaking out of them as well. However, these unbalanced roles on both sides are surpassed by their strong communication, understanding, and empathy for each other so as to provide strength to their relationship rather than weaken it. This, in relation to the findings of the article provides more credibility to the idea that “men and women view marital satisfaction through a gendered lens. They attach different meanings to family labor and achieve marital satisfaction in different ways” (Wilkie et. al 593). Clearly, each of my parents functions differently and contributes in starkly contrasting ways to the family. But together, they achieve the end goal of providing a stable, supportive home for their children and themselves while enjoying an immensely satisfying relationship of long duration. They had numerous struggles themselves but found ways to get past them through communication, empathy, empowerment, and equity.

While all the examples aforementioned are not telling of everybody’s condition in society today, the findings mentioned in the article combined with the message of Schism substantiated by live example points to the haloed fact that working, successful, and satisfying relationships are possible and desired. All one needs is communication, agenda setting capability, sensitivity to the other’s feelings, and understanding to flourish.

Schism - Analaysis - Communication's Importance

Ladies and gentlemen, this song speaks for itself. It needs no explanation because it is meant for self reflection and introspection. Just a casual reading of the lyrics is enough tell us that the song is about a relationship. Any relationship. It tries to show that without the right nurturing care, any relationship that worked perfectly (in which the “pieces fit”) can “atrophy” and get bogged down and lost.
The given situation is one of a relationship on the way to getting ruined and destroyed. It’s not there yet, but one of the people in this mess has stepped back and is looking at the whole process objectively, watching the connection fall apart and “tumble down”. He is mechanically imagining the structure he and his beloved formed together, the “temple” they had (symbolic of a temple of love perhaps?) and how machine like, they fell apart when it came to “testing our(their) communication.” It is easy to glean from the musical and lyrical tone that the speaker is not happy about the disintegrating relationship and has identified the source of the problem: ineffective communication. Since the narrator in the song is in the relationship himself, he clearly has more than enough ethos for the audience to believe and understand his point of view and accept his message.



The people to whom this song would appeal to the most (besides Tool fans and metal lovers) are those who would actually engage with the implications behind the words. It is especially important for those people who have had deteriorating relationships with their significant others, brothers, sisters, parents, or anyone in general. While the song specially refers to “lovers” there are live versions of this clip where the word “brothers” is also used (in concert). The singer is talking to himself and his lover but is keeping the discussion open to others (for whatever they choose to learn from example) with an open message at the end of the piece. Furthermore the music accompanying the words can have a balming effect on a troubled mind and can force him or her to look into his/herself and figure out how he/she landed up in this situation.

Tool’s primary purpose with most of their music is to engage and get involved with the audience on a personal level and force them think. Most of their songs have lyrical twists that are not easy to “get” and it’s not the band’s primary concern that people do. They want their listeners to actually get inspired by the music (as they did) and discern meaning and understanding for themselves. Honestly, this song is open to all kinds of interpretation and very often Tool has been frustrated at the audience’s need to define and label the specific meaning of this song. It’s preferable if the listener goes with the flow and where the music takes him or her.
The song has to be understood both lyrically and musically. In the very beginning, before any of the singing starts, and after the first eight introductory guitar notes (more chords really), the guitar riffs are very put together. It sounds like there are two guitars that are playing in perfect harmony like two people who are perfectly content with each other. Soon, we hear some more instruments join in which synergize with the guitars already in motion. That can be likened to the happiness and all the other advantages the people in the relationship (any kind of relationship) get by being together. And then slowly, as the music gets more complex and tricky, the singing starts and one can focus on the lyrics as well. The first line “I know the pieces fit” immediately signifies trust in the fact the relationship does work and has the capacity to work. He saw the pieces “fall away” due to “fundamental differing” , “crippling communication”, “coveting,” and the “desire to blame the other.” But every time he mentions any of these problems he emphasizes how he knows “the pieces fit.” The continuous belief that the pieces fit and the relationship works is important as it signifies that a solution has to be found. In the first two stanzas, he goes over the problems and how the relationship used to be before. They had a “fuel that burned our(their) fire then, has burned a hole between us(them) so”. This could be another problem of having excessive expectations from the other and that excessive passion, expectation, and desire is now backfiring. Along with all these lyrics in the first two stanzas, one has to notice how the music is put together and coherent during the singing of each of the stanzas but then becomes louder and more disorderly. It goes from the happy get together feel of the relationship (when the pieces fit) to the messed up time now when everything is “mildewed and smoldering.”

He reaches the pinnacle of this disorder and broken relationship with the third stanza when he says the “the poetry that comes from squaring off in between and circling is worth it, finding beauty in the dissonance.” I believe this part is trying to say that it is important to work out the differences and from that come to the higher level of a functioning relationship. That’s the way to find “beauty in the dissonance”, by “squaring off” the difficulties and obstacles that we ourselves put up. All of this accompanied by a highly cacophonic yet poetic musical background highlights his point even more and puts it in perspective.
His last two stanzas are then focused on finding a solution and fixing the relationship. A crucial point he makes is that when things don’t work out properly, people tend to second guess and give up on the whole thing. That is why, through the example of his relationship he says “I’ve done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing” and how the fighting and misunderstanding is not worth the loss of something special. He had already said previously that there was “no fault, none to blame.” So in these stanzas he tries to tell his lover that they are “doomed to crumble unless we grow and strengthen our communication.” He is taking that first step to talk it out, grow, and realize that all relationships require care and nurturing.
After this, the music becomes slower, trance like, and hypnotic, with specific bell like beats in the background. It slowly calms the listener from all the preceding tension and the final, most important message is hammered out. In a deliberate, precise, yet poetic and lyrical manner, the singer perfectly enunciates the fact that “cold silence has the tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers.” The strongest line of the whole song, with a lot of logos and pathos to convince the audience to rethink their relationships as well, it is the epiphanical (if a word like that exists) peak of the song.



The last final belief and importance given to the idea “I know the pieces fit” is the firm conviction that it will work. This determination and trust in oneself and the other person is the underlying reason that this song has meaning. It does not let the listener give up. The music is convincing and transcendental, begging for self reflection and thought. And you have to end up agreeing with him by the end of the song, because even you realize that the pieces fit. I know the pieces fit.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Schism

For Lyrics : http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tool/schism_20139403.html

Love "Schism"

Quite often, we come across broken relationships, heart - breaks, strained bonds and more. Why? Mostly because of strangled, broken, or no communication and myriad misunderstandings.

Schism by Tool is a song that is very close and important to me. Besides the brilliant trance-like music, the amazing vocals and put together unique sound of the song and band, the lyrics speak to me. The lyrics, as I mentioned in my previous blog post, talk about how relationships (of any kind) suffer when there is a gap in communication between the two parties involved. It also talks of the desire people have to blame and pinpoint mistakes instead of finding a solution. In this song, the singer detaches himself from his messed up relationship for a minute and tries to analyze what went wrong, when, and why. Then he also finds a way to remedy the concerning issues and reiterates his belief and complete conviction that the relationship is possible and workable if they choose to make it work.

The two most striking lines in the song are “I know the pieces fit” (confirming his faith and trust in the relationship as this is repeated over and over) and “cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers.” These lines spoke to me the most as it highlighted that the “strangled” communication is the one of the major reasons in the breakdown of relationships even if the relationship is one very likely to succeed. I could apply this to my personal life due to some trials that I went through (during senior year of high school) with friends and family. Those were troubled times for me, but times of great learning. I gained a lot of self confidence, self esteem, common sense, and a renewed belief in the importance of maintaining the right kind of relationships in one’s life. Those lessons and many more are ones that I learned the hard way. Schism, however, made the journey a lot easier. Music speaks to me like no other medium and this one fit the bill exactly.